The Only Sane Thing

"Your're crazy!"
"Mmm, maybe," he said.


"Hey, you know that thing you said about my being crazy?  I think I am.  But the best part is: it's just the beginning."
Snap.  Can you imagine if this is just the beginning?  "Alright... alright.  Let's have an adventure, then!"

If this is just the beginning, then I will set as my goals to love you every day more and more.  I want to say, "to love you as no one has been loved," but I am scared to offer, to give that much.  I know love is in sacrifice, if also in delight.  Jesus help me.  There are few among men so worthy, and I know my love for him will take me to You.  I know his love for me will always work to do the same.

Crazy.  If this is just the beginning.  Lord, teach me how to love.


Catholic philosophers say love--seeing the other truly as he/she is, giving all of one's self to that person--is the only sane thing.  My worldview, then, is not yet all the way Catholic.  Help me!

My Love

I knew you were the one I looked for,
the one long awaited.
And more each time another wasn't.
Your being satisfied my desires
When every other's couldn't.

Nevermind, Love, the winter snows,
that snuffed, for now, the flames.
Crimson coals hide beneath.
Inside their black shells still burn.

The winter snows will come and go.
You were the one I long waited for.
They could never put out my love.
Crimson coals still burn beneath,
If inside black shells.

Winter snows will come and go.
Hidden, quiet, and deep,
my love for you still burns.

Getting Used to Being Treated Well

In the past 6 months, I have had 9 guys ask me out, 6 of them in the past 2 months.  (This has never happened before!)  And, to a tee, they have all been gentlemen.

All have asked for my number (when appropriate; cowardice was never the reason they didn't).  All have phoned to ask for the date.  All have picked me up (when appropriate).  All open doors, including the car door.  All pay without hesitating.  All make their continued interest (or occasionally, otherwise) known quickly, directly, respectfully.  I have not been made to guess or wait.  And of course, I have returned the favor.

The Bikini

Jessica Rey gives a great summation of the bikini, and modesty generally, in relation to human (woman's!) dignity in her 11 minute Evolution of the Swimsuit.

Worth it.  Check it out.

Mercy

"Rest a moment near My heart and taste of the Love in which you will delight for all eternity. But child, you are not yet in your homeland; so go, fortified by My grace, and fight for My kingdom in human souls; fight as a king's child would... I expect from you, My child, a great number of souls who will glorify My mercy for all eternity. My child, that you may answer My call worthily, receive Me daily in Holy Communion. It will give you strength." 

-Jesus to St. Faustina, via Kyrstyn Walsh's facebook wall.

Sisters Know Best, One Instance of Girl Brain, and Letting Go

Sisters know best.  Anyway, mine does.  I knew that.  Briefly, I wondered if she might be wrong.  She was not.  :)  And I was set free by it.

Pentecost, Freedom, and Cooperation with the Holy Spirit

And they [devout men from every nation] were amazed and wondered, saying, "Are not all these who are speaking Galileans?  And how is it that we hear, each of us in his own native language? . . .  What does this mean?"  --Acts 2:5-6,12

It means God is enough to fill the needs of EVERY human heart.

It means the Infinite Mystery is beyond the limits of any specific human culture.

It means that God is stepping into human hystery - ha ha! providential typo - also human history :) again to reverse the sentence at Babel.

Those of Us Who Overextend Ourselves

I think some of us who have had challenging lives just need to give more back.

It's like we're more comfortable living under the same amount of stress we grew up with.  Or we try to fix in other people's lives what we couldn't fix in our own families.

The problem, of course, is that however many other lives we help, we still don't heal our family, our experiences, and the wounds remain.

Play to Win

The sheer volume of things I accomplish in a week as a turnaround teacher simply because I have to is amazing.  I have never been so efficient or productive in my life.  But that leaves little time for sanity and humanness.

My Wind Ensemble director in college, Steven J. Moore, was a University of Kentucky graduate, so he loved college basketball, and basketball strategy became musical strategy.

He would often tell us this.  When playing a challenging opponent, a team who has the lead may stop playing to win.  They start running the clock - just playing not to lose.  Precisely here, they play worse, and they begin to lose.  In Wind Ensemble, we were up against a worthy opponent in the challenge of the musical piece that was before us, and he charged us with playing not to lose.  We were losing.  He challenged us to the offense: get on top of it.  Be on the offense, not the defense.  Play to win.

Good Friday

Will the dust praise you?  Will it tell of your faithfulness?  - Psalm 30:10
The netherworld cannot thank you.  Death cannot praise you.  - Isaiah 38:18


Death is deeper than I know.  More total.  More final.

I arrived too late for the burial service, so I crept down into the chapel, so often filled with warmth,

Poem

Your memory creeps in around the edges again.
Time of year had foretold.

Those then new, sweet, happy longings
Briefly eclipse the fresh and old
     of what was, "what could have been", of never good enough.

Speaking your name cements
     That - which was happily forgotten.
     That - which once, for Freedom, was sold.

Return to Innocence

I have recently been allured by a new community, a new movement.  They smoke, drink, cuss, and let their attractions lead them to Jesus Christ.


Which is, of course, new for me.  But what allures me is the very tangible experience of companionship and freedom.  Of acceptance and belonging, already.  The first time I show up.

Beauty

There was a gentleman who's eye I hoped to catch.  No, more than that.  Though not yet enough to merit so much thought and attention (Dietrich von Hildebrand would disagree!), our few recent interactions caused me to desire his attention and awe.

Dear Christian, Why Art?

Because God is beauty.

Quite simply.


During the early years of my conversion, I was able to order, at least in my understanding, every aspect of my life toward God.   Except my other biggest love, that is: music.

To Muslims: Why There Must Be a Trinity

An apologetic.

God is love.

This is not just something he does, or one trait about him.  This is his nature, his most essential identity.  It is who He is.

Classroom Management

I have found only one prayer that helps my classroom management: "Lord, make me smaller."

The Natural Order

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become un-consuming?

The words from Sidewalk Prophets are ringing in my mind after a conversation with a best friend and other recent thoughts . . . but more on that another time.

I took a personal day Friday, at the cost of my three teammates who had to field 33 third graders each, instead of the usual 25, when no sub picked up my position.  I felt too guilty, but I just couldn't do it anymore.  So that night, my loving Father and I had a talk.

My yoke is easy and my burden is light

As I went to turn my light off, I saw Jesus looking at me from his crucifix, and his mother as well, with a soft smile, from a pastel portrait detail of an image known as Guadalupe.  I keep them by my light switch for a reason.
I gave a second glance this evening.  They were telling me something, so I stopped to listen briefly and kiss them goodnight.  "Be at peace.  Do not worry," she, and her son, said with smile more generous than her usual.

About sleep, she meant.  I have been going to bed late for a couple weeks now, and getting used to that pre-6am rise, and I am the most inglorious unrested person I have ever met.  I am working on it.  But, and I don't know if you can relate, when I get more and more behind on sleep, especially if I have significant responsibilities that require my being well-rested for adequate performance, such as teaching, my stress increases, my concentration decreases, and, in anxiety, nothing happens in the end about the sleep while my professional life seems to fall into a heap.

Classroom Management

Aaah!!!!  By now, we’ve all felt it.  In its more severe form, it sounds something like, "I thought I could teach . . . but maybe I was wrong!" or, if another more experienced adult is in the room, a quick glance screams, "HELP!"

Fortunately, Judy (our internship sight professor and rock), CLC (Collaborative Learning Community) discussion, and some other informants come to the rescue.  And some of the things we talked about over the summer that were real nice in theory.  Now, the trick of putting it all into action.

My Clinical Teacher put it well. "They're good kids, but if they're talking, it gets in the way of instruction." Our class suffers from a light version of the problem, but my CT nailed it. Classroom management is an essential prerequisite of effective instruction.

Gifted and Talented

From the data neurobiology is providing, it is evident that nearly all children are born with very complex and unique brain structures. Although each child is different, they all seem to have extraordinary potential. I believe that, if given the opportunity to develop optimally, most children could perform at the level we now call gifted, and it probably would be more natural for them to do so. (Gargiulo, p. 539)

What on earth!?  We’re anti-tracking.  We’re anti-label.  And rightly so, in order not to track students into less than they could be, to know that they are first a person, and not a label.  Then why do we call some “gifted and talented?” You better believe I know exactly who they are calling gifted and talented, and if it’s not me, I have received a very clear message about my abilities, and my in-ablities.