Getting Used to Being Treated Well

In the past 6 months, I have had 9 guys ask me out, 6 of them in the past 2 months.  (This has never happened before!)  And, to a tee, they have all been gentlemen.

All have asked for my number (when appropriate; cowardice was never the reason they didn't).  All have phoned to ask for the date.  All have picked me up (when appropriate).  All open doors, including the car door.  All pay without hesitating.  All make their continued interest (or occasionally, otherwise) known quickly, directly, respectfully.  I have not been made to guess or wait.  And of course, I have returned the favor.



I was telling a best friend about a favorite of these suitors the other night.  Though he had initially asked to take me out to dinner, due to each of our commitments, we ended up doing things together that were not dates, a little more just sharing life - joining each other on a couple of those commitments.  At the end of the last one, he said, "I'd still like to take you out to dinner."  As I was recounting to this best friend Ashley (she is so good for me!), she quickly quipped, challenging his character, "but he hasn't set a day or a time yet?"

"He said that last night, he is still busy, and he will call soon."  These were not justifications.  He simply hadn't called yet.  I had not a glimmer of doubt.

Sure enough, he called before Ashley and I finished our conversation, and I mentioned so.  "Oh! Do you need to answer it?"

"Nope, I'll call him back." She heard my comfort and my confidence.  "I . . . I just wanted to show you that I trust him and I trust his character.  And I have reason to."  My certainty is founded in reality.

And here, she struck me: "Wow.  That's night and day different from [that guy you dated last year]."

I had not even noticed.  Mostly because this current gentleman was not the first gentleman in my recent experience, and nowhere near it!  The first two, back in December, did surprise me, and I talked about it.  Now, I expect it as a matter of course.  I have become quite accustomed to being treated well.

In continuing reflection of her observation, I also realized I had been letting myself still hurt from the other guy.  Occasionally.  A year later.  I was still confused and I still wondered.   And honestly, so do others - they still ask.  A year later.  But the truth is I was never secure in his affections, and lived all of the history of my desire for him in confusion and low-level fear.

Ashley's comment woke me up.  SO. NOT. WORTH. IT.   It was the best relationship I'd been in yet, and there was much good to it, I'm sure.   But in comparison to what I receive now, it was garbage.  I will not desire that for myself again.  I have no desire to.



An old friend on facebook, one I sponsored into the Church but is now far from it, complained of how unimpressed she was with guys, how poorly they treated her.  At first, I though to say, "you're hanging out with the wrong crowd."  As if all of these gentlemen can only be found in the Church.

That is a piece, but not all of the story.  These 9 gentlemen have come from all walks of faith, from secular, to Protestant, to fallen away Catholics, to passionate Catholics of different flavors (actually, at least 2 of each of those), and I've met them in an equally diverse array of settings (online, through friends, at Church, parks, on top of mountains).

So, if it is not their faith that makes the difference . . .  wait, why would it be?  Why have I had consistently bad or mediocre experiences before, and have consistently positive experiences presently?  If I am the only common thread in each situation, the pattern is me.

If it is not their faith that makes the difference, then, I wonder if it is mine.  In this.  I wonder if I have come to know and trust who I am, Whose I am, what I want - no, more - what I expect, and finally, fully, what I am worth.  I am worth dying for and no less.  I am a beloved daughter of the Most High God, made in His image and likeness.  I am worth dying for and know less.  The God of the universe thinks so, and has done so.  I have no reason to settle for less.

(Note: According to my own character, I am not worthy of these guys' attention and respect, at least the best ones.  I am worthy by grace, because of Whose I am, and Who is still at work in me, to make me into what I will be.)